


i only want you more and more

by seeingrightly



Series: you make me think that you will change my life forever [2]
Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Kid Fic, M/M, trans stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-02
Updated: 2018-09-02
Packaged: 2019-07-05 22:15:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15872787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seeingrightly/pseuds/seeingrightly
Summary: Matilda insists she doesn’t need to be picked up from school anymore and could walk home herself. Newt has promised that she can do so next year, when she’s in high school, but for now, he and Hermann alternate on taking the T from work to meet her and walk home together. They’ve arranged their teaching schedules so that someone is always readily available for Matilda, even if that means sometimes ditching office hours last minute. It’s a bit of a gray area when Hermann does it, since he’s not her father, but that doesn’t stop him.When he steps carefully off the train and onto the platform, he can already see Matilda standing on the sidewalk in front of her school with a group of friends. He’d spot her right away even if she was a stranger, with the tips of her hair dyed red and her sparkly boots.One of her classmates looks over and spots Hermann.“Your step-dad’s here,” he says, pointing, and Matilda doesn’t correct him, just says good-bye to her friends and heads for the street corner while Hermann waits to cross the street.





	i only want you more and more

**Author's Note:**

> @ [lindsey](https://archiveofourown.org/users/freezerjerky) you're welcome for my actively catering to you with newt in this one
> 
> title from, this time, the mamma mia 2 version of "i've been waiting for you," which for some reason has entirely different lyrics from the real version?????

 

 

 

 

Matilda insists she doesn’t need to be picked up from school anymore and could walk home herself. Newt has promised that she can do so next year, when she’s in high school, but for now, he and Hermann alternate on taking the T from work to meet her and walk home together. They’ve arranged their teaching schedules so that someone is always readily available for Matilda, even if that means sometimes ditching office hours last minute. It’s a bit of a gray area when Hermann does it, since he’s not her father, but that doesn’t stop him.

 

When he steps carefully off the train and onto the platform, he can already see Matilda standing on the sidewalk in front of her school with a group of friends. He’d spot her right away even if she was a stranger, with the tips of her hair dyed red and her sparkly boots.

 

One of her classmates looks over and spots Hermann.

 

“Your step-dad’s here,” he says, pointing, and Matilda doesn’t correct him, just says good-bye to her friends and heads for the street corner while Hermann waits to cross the street.

 

“Hi,” she calls once he’s signaled to walk and makes his way toward her.

 

“Hello, my darling girl,” Hermann replies, reaching out as he steps onto the sidewalk.

 

She curls under his arm and into his side automatically, staying there as they walk, which makes Hermann feel all sorts of sentimental. Matilda isn’t especially tall yet, but she has braces now, and her new glasses make her look like a young adult rather than a child, and he feels fortunate every time she defies teenager stereotypes by being sweet to him and to Newt, which is still frequent.

 

“I’ve decided I want to get my ears pierced again,” she says, ruining the moment a bit, and Hermann sighs.

 

“Did you ask your father yet?”

 

“No, I was gonna ask him tonight, but only if you think he’s in a good mood today,” she replies, fiddling with her necklace. “I don’t want him to cry.”

 

Hermann releases something that is halfway between a laugh and another sigh. Newt has found multiple gray hairs in the past few days and is being characteristically dramatic about it; another sign of teenagerdom likely won’t help.

 

“Perhaps wait a few more days,” Hermann suggests gently, and then, before he can stop himself, he continues, “Do your friends think I’m your step-father?”

 

Matilda looks up at him quickly. He’s not sure what his expression betrays; he’s mostly shocked.

 

“They know what the situation is,” she says, sounding guilty, “but you basically  _ are _ -”

 

“Oh,” Hermann says. “No, Tilly dear, please don’t feel bad -”

 

He stops walking, turns toward her and brings his hand to her hair. She leans into it, though she still looks a little upset. 

 

“Come here,” he says, wrapping his arm around her and kissing the top of her head.

 

She wraps her arms around his middle and leans against him. Hermann isn’t sure how to fix this situation. He certainly doesn’t want Matilda to feel embarrassed, and he also doesn’t especially want her to stop thinking of him as basically being her step-father, now that he knows she does. Ultimately, though, what he wants is to figure out the choice that’s best for her, and to make that.

 

“You can call me whatever you want to call me,” he says quietly, hoping he’s saying the right thing. “But it’s up to your father what my role is to you, not me.”

 

“It is up to you,” Matilda says insistently, speaking into his shoulder. “I mean at least partly. It’s not only up to Dad. It matters what you want. And what I want.”

 

“Of course,” Hermann says. “Of course it matters what you and I want. But this is a decision I can’t make, and one I’m not sure how I’d bring up without overstepping.”

 

“Hermann, we all live together,” Matilda says, pulling back so she can look at him. “You’re listed as one of my emergency contacts on all my school stuff. Everyone already calls you my step-dad except us. It wouldn’t be weird to ask Dad about it.”

 

“Everyone?” Hermann asks, shocked, and Matilda nods.

 

She takes a step away from him and links their arms together to get them walking again. Knowing that Matilda is thinking about whether or not she can consider Hermann her step-father has unsettled something in Hermann. He’s certainly spent time wondering how he would handle taking on a more official role in her life, but he’s always assumed it was up to Newt to decide they’d reached that step. 

 

Once they get home, Matilda follows Hermann into the kitchen. They set their bags on the counter and wash their hands and fix a snack together, celery with peanut butter and a few freshly ripe cherry tomatoes from their neighborhood’s community garden, which Newt had made a trip to the day before. 

 

“How much homework do you have tonight?” Hermann asks, beginning to clean up once their plates are ready.

 

“Not a ton,” Matilda says. “Mostly reading and taking notes. But I have an algebra test on Thursday. Can we study later?”

 

“Of course. I have an exam to finish writing, but I’m almost done.”

 

“Cool. Can I work at Dad’s desk?”

 

“Certainly. I would love the company,” Hermann says, feeling a little silly with how bright his smile is.

 

Matilda grabs her backpack and Hermann’s bag, throwing one onto each shoulder, and then picks up her plate. Hermann takes his own and follows her into his and Newt’s shared office. It’s a small room, mainly bookshelves and two desks, facing one another. When they’d first moved here, Matilda had taken to doing her homework or reading or coloring opposite whoever was home at the time, if it was just one of them. She doesn’t spend as much of her free time there anymore, but it does help her complete her homework faster.

 

For a while, it’s quiet, aside from the crunching of their snacks and the sounds of Hermann typing and Matilda taking notes. When it comes down to it, she’s much better at focusing than her father, and more dedicated to eliminating distractions. She’s also become much more organized in the last few years, though it’s unclear if that’s Hermann’s influence or just age.

 

“Oh,” Matilda says suddenly, “did I tell you Danny from my support group is gonna be at the same high school as me next year?”

 

“No, is he really?” Hermann asks. “Have his parents gotten any… less terrible?”

 

Matilda makes a noncommittal noise, though her expression, aimed down at her notebook, betrays more concern.

 

“They’re at least calling him by his nickname all the time now,” she says. “But other than that, not really.” 

 

“Hm,” Hermann says. “Invite him over for dinner again after the next meeting, will you?”

 

“Okay,” Matilda says, brightening a little. “What about Beau from your support group? Do you think they can come over again sometime soon?”

 

Hermann smiles at Matilda over his glasses.

 

“Why, do you have a few hundred more questions to ask them about working at the Museum of Science?” he teases.

 

“Yes!” Matilda nearly yells. “They’re so cool! Ugh.”

 

“I’ll see what I can do,” Hermann laughs.

 

Matilda sticks her tongue out and turns back to her homework. She finishes up a short while later, but Hermann is still working on his exam, so they agree to study after dinner, which Newt is supposed to pick up on his way home from work. Matilda gathers up her schoolwork and heads to her room in the meantime. She begins blaring music as soon as her door is closed. Hermann sighs and turns back to his computer.

 

Some time later, Hermann feels like he’s being watched and looks up suddenly. Newt is leaning in the doorway, a soppy expression on his face as he watches Hermann. He jumps a little when Hermann looks up, then walks over to lean against the edge of the desk, as close to Hermann as he can get.

 

“You look so cute when you’re all focused like that,” Newt says, cupping his face and kissing him slowly, his nose ring nudging Hermann’s cheek.

 

“Mm. Welcome home, lovely,” Hermann replies, because he knows it will make Newt shiver, and he rests his hands high on Newt’s thighs.

 

Newt sighs happily, like it’s been ages since they’ve seen one another, like they didn’t grab coffee together between classes that morning. Hermann wants so badly to run his fingers through the gray hairs accumulating at his temples, but he doesn’t want to upset him. It’s just that they make Hermann picture Newt older, make him think about the future, and it makes his breath catch.

 

“Okay,” Newt says, squeezing Hermann’s hands on his thighs before removing them. “Dinner.”

 

In the hallway, Newt heads to Matilda’s room and Hermann continues on to the kitchen, patting Newt’s rear gently as he goes by. Newt jumps, but Hermann feigns innocence and keeps walking. He gets plates and utensils and then begins to dish out the food. Matilda and Newt are talking animatedly down the hall, though he can’t hear what the topic is. After a minute or two, he calls for them to join him.

 

It’s always much louder when both Newt and Matilda are home. Hermann’s gotten used to that, and he’s come to appreciate it for what it is - his two favorite people, enjoying one another’s company, and his. That energy carries them into the kitchen, where they bustle around getting drinks and adding to what Hermann put on their plates.

 

“Did you finish writing that exam?” Newt asks once they’re all situated.

 

“Just about,” Hermann replies. “I’ll look it over again in the morning. Matilda and I are going to study for a bit after we eat.”

 

“Okay, I’ve got some papers I need to finish grading,” Newt says.

 

“Still?” Hermann asks, surprised.

 

“Yeah, I fell back asleep this morning when I meant to get up and finish them,” Newt says sheepishly. “You know, because I’m old now, so I need way more sleep.”

 

“Yes, positively ancient,” Hermann says, dry, and Matilda laughs. “What does one do for a third-life crisis?”

 

“I don’t know, get new piercings?” Newt asks, all faux innocence, but then Matilda perks up.

 

“Since you mentioned it,” she says, “can I get my ears pierced again? We could get piercings together.”

 

Newt looks over at her, surprised, and there is something fragile in his expression, like Hermann worried about, but then he shifts smoothly back into teasing.

 

“We can go, but Hermann has to come,” he says.

 

Since they’ve been together, Newt’s gotten plenty of new tattoos, filling out his sleeves, and Hermann hasn’t gone with him. As much as he loves Newt, the idea of sitting in a noisy tattoo parlor doing nothing but hold Newt’s hand and listen to him chatter for hours doesn’t appeal to Hermann at all. But Newt hasn’t gotten any new piercings, because he wants Hermann to come with him when he does, and he’s waiting for Hermann to break.

 

Hermann really should have seen this coming.

 

He lets out a put-upon sigh and doesn’t answer for a long moment, taking a sip of his drink and putting it back down before he looks up at Matilda and Newt, who are both leaning forward in their seats, nearly bouncing with anticipation.

 

“Very well then,” he says, trying to control his facial expression and probably failing.

 

“Yes!” Matilda cheers, grabbing her phone, no doubt to message her friends about her plans.

 

Newt’s victory is quieter, smug, and Hermann knows as he and Newt look at one another that they’re both wondering where he’s going to get his piercing. They’re both a little quieter than usual throughout the rest of dinner, distracted, and after Matilda helps them clean up, Hermann sends her off to gather her things to study with the promise that he’ll come get her soon.

 

As soon as she leaves the kitchen, Newt grabs Hermann’s hand and pulls him into the living room. He shoves Hermann back until he sits down on the couch, and then straddles Hermann’s lap, wrapping his arms around his shoulders.

 

“Don’t start anything you won’t be able to finish until after we’ve studied and gone to bed,” Hermann says sternly, and Newt laughs and ignores him and presses their mouths together, though he keeps it relatively brief.

 

“What, you don’t think now’s a good time to discuss potential piercing locations?” he asks quietly. “Because I know you have opinions.”

 

“No, I don’t think now is the time,” Hermann says, though he’s distracted again and he knows Newt knows it by the smirk on his face. “What are you planning to tell Matilda, by the way? She’s going to want to know what you get and I doubt you’re going to be able to tell her -”

 

“You do, do you?” Newt asks, raising his eyebrows. “Maybe I was just going to get a cartilage piercing -”

 

“No you weren’t,” Hermann says, and Newt laughs.

 

“Okay, not only,” Newt says. “But I’m probably gonna also get some kinda decoy piercing, right? One I can show her.”

 

“Ah,” Hermann says, distracted again by the implications. “That’s sensible.”

 

“That’s sensible,” Newt repeats in that impression of Hermann he thinks is so very funny. “A sound plan, my good man.”

 

“When have you ever heard me call anyone that?” Hermann asks, feigning annoyance.

 

“I haven’t, because you never call anyone anything fun,” Newt says fondly. “All I’m asking for is one mate! Am I not your mate, Hermann?”

 

“No,” Hermann says plainly, and Newt laughs and kisses him again.

 

Something about the question, though, the more he thinks about it, brings Hermann back to his earlier conversation with Matilda, about what he is to Newt and to her. Newt must sense his distraction, because he pulls back, a curious expression on his face.

 

“Newton,” Hermann says, his tone becoming much more serious without his intention.

 

Newt shifts to match him right away, one of his hands coming up to cup Hermann’s jaw, his eyebrows drawn together. And Hermann knows, now that he’s looking up at him rather than worrying about it on his own, that even if he thinks Hermann is overstepping by bringing this up, Newt will forgive him, Newt will still love him, Newt will be good to him. 

 

“What is it?” Newt asks, and Hermann takes a breath and is able to tell him.

 

“It… has come to my attention that… well, according to Matilda ‘everyone’ is referring to me as her step-father,” Hermann says, looking somewhere in the vicinity of Newt’s shoulder rather than right at him. “And that my serving that role in her life is something that Matilda wants. And… and it’s something that I want too.”

 

He squares his shoulders and looks back up at Newt, whose expression is startlingly soft. Newt squishes his nose against Hermann’s cheekbone and kisses the corner of his mouth and then just stays there for a moment, letting out a breath Hermann didn’t realize he’d been holding. Hermann tightens his grip on Newt’s waist.

 

“I’ve been trying to figure out how to bring it up with you,” Newt says. “You know, giving you a more official tie to her, letting you know you can make decisions without coming to me every time. And specifically the everyone-calling-you-her-step-dad thing. But I didn’t wanna scare you off.”

 

“You couldn’t,” Hermann says immediately, and Newt smiles, the corners of his eyes crinkling with it behind his glasses.

 

“I’ve been thinking about it, and like, the future in general a lot lately,” Newt says, and without planning to, Hermann brings his fingers up to the graying at his temples, which makes Newt laigh self-consciously. “Yeah, that’s why.”

 

“I like it,” Hermann says, more honestly than the last time he’d tried to reassure Newt about it. “It’s been making me think about the future too. It makes me nervous but I also - I like it a lot.”

 

Newt leans in and kisses Hermann, hard but brief, and when he pulls away he looks at Hermann for a long moment before he talks, looking down and running his fingers over the shaved hair at the base of Hermann’s neck, a sure sign he’s nervous again.

 

“I think part of the reason I’ve been stressed about it,” Newt says, “is that we’ve already talked about how neither of us cares that much about weddings or marriage, but that’s, like, the obvious way to, you know, make you her step-dad.”

 

“Newton, you know this is not just about your daughter, right?” Hermann asks suddenly. “Whatever it is we decide to do, I want it to be a way to - to solidify my role to you as well.”

 

“Should -” Newt starts, looking up at Hermann, and he pauses, but then he plows on again, urgent suddenly: “Dude, should we get married?”

 

They’ve talked about marriage before, but abstractly - they’d each separately figured they might get quietly married at a courthouse, mainly for legal reasons, though not in the context of each other. Or at least neither of them had admitted to it.

 

“Perhaps we should,” Hermann replies, slowly, thoughtfully, maybe a little bit teasingly too.

 

Newt leans in and Hermann moves to meet him, but before their lips touch, Newt pulls away suddenly.

 

“Oh, I have something for you,” he says.

 

Hermann wonders for a wild moment if it’s a ring, given the context, and Newt catches his expression and laughs, nearly tripping as he gets off Hermann’s lap.

 

“Not that,” he says, and then he jogs down the hallway and comes back a few moments later, after Hermann’s calmed himself down at least part of the way. “Here.”

 

He hands Hermann a pamphlet. The design indicates it’s from the center where Hermann and Matilda go to their trans support groups, but it’s for a program Hermann hasn’t heard of before. He doesn’t pay too much attention to what else is going on in the center because he’s still getting used to being there at all, to talking to people about himself at all, to consider venturing outside of his small group yet.

 

“A new support group for trans parents with trans children,” Hermann reads off of the pamphlet, blinking.

 

“They’ve been thinking about starting the program for a while,” Newt says quickly, “but they weren’t sure if there’d be enough parent-and-kid pairings to justify it. But they know of a few, and, like, Boston’s one of the likeliest places where they  _ will _ find enough, so they’ve decided to at least try it. So. I wanted to show that to you, but I also didn’t want to - presume.”

 

“Oh,” Hermann says very quietly, and then he feels a stinging in the corner of his eyes and a tingling in his nose and Newt is moving in close, pulling Hermann’s head against his soft stomach and wrapping an arm around his shoulders and petting his hair as he sniffles.

 

“This is good crying, right?” Newt asks anxiously, and Hermann laughs.

 

He grabs Newt’s nearest hand and kisses it.

 

“Will you go get Matilda?” he asks, squeezing the hand before releasing it.

 

“Yeah, of course,” Newt says, sounding relieved, and he drops a kiss on the top of Hermann’s head before he goes.

 

Hermann grabs a tissue to clean himself up a bit in the few moments he has, although he hasn’t quiet stopped crying so it’s probably pointless.

 

“What are we - what’s wrong?” Matilda asks as she comes into the living room.

 

“Nothing, dear,” Hermann says, holding out his arms to her.

 

Though she still looks worried, Matilda sits down on the couch, curling half into his lap, and she takes the pamphlet when he holds it out, and then Hermann hears a quiet, sharp intake of breath.

 

“What does this mean?” Matilda asks carefully, not looking away from the pamphlet.

 

Newt sits down on the coffee table right in front of them, putting his hand on Matilda’s knee.

 

“We still have to figure that out exactly,” Newt says, glancing at Hermann for confirmation. “There’s a lot to talk about. But we’re talking about it now. That’s the important thing. We gotta figure out what exactly we all want Hermann officially being your step-dad to mean.”

 

“So it doesn’t mean you’re getting married,” Matilda says, and she doesn’t sound upset or surprised exactly, just a little confused.

 

Newt looks mildly panicked, so Hermann steps in, his voice a little funny from the crying.

 

“It doesn’t have to mean we’re getting married,” he says. “Just because that’s how most people think of a step-parent doesn’t mean we have to. I know you know that already. But the legal protections that come with marriage…”

 

He looks to Newt for help.

 

“Like I said, we’re talking about everything now,” Newt says carefully.

 

Matilda looks at her father for a long moment, and then turns to Hermann, a small frown on her face.

 

“I don’t want you to get married just because of me,” she says. “If it’s not something you wanna do…”

 

Hermann and Newt look at each other.

 

“It wouldn’t only be because of you,” Hermann says. “If we decide that’s what we want. It would be for us, too.”

 

Newt smiles, and it’s a little shy and it’s warm and when Hermann reaches out, Newt’s hand is there to meet him. 

 

“So,” Matilda says, and her tone has turned just a little calculating, “when I ask for permission to do something now, instead of only asking Dad does this mean I can ask whoever’s home or do I have to get both of you to agree to it?”

 

“I imagine it would depend on what you’re asking,” Hermann says faintly.

 

He realizes, suddenly, that he’s agreeing to constantly trying to figuring out the right answer to give, constantly trying to make the right choices for Matilda, forever. It’s not that he’s not already trying to do so, and it’s not that he hasn’t thought about this before, but facing down the reality of formally taking on that responsibility is something else entirely. Newt squeezes his hand and does a poor job of hiding his amusement.

 

“It would depend, yeah,” Newt says. “I mean, you already ask Hermann about stuff all the time when it’s just the two of you home alone, right? I’ve been trusting him with you for ages. We’ll figure it out as we go along.”

 

Newt’s flippancy is somehow reassuring, in this case. He trusts Hermann with Matilda, so Hermann should trust himself.

 

Matilda focuses on the pamphlet again, opening it up.

 

“You want to go to this?” she asks, cautious.

 

“I want to learn more about it first,” Hermann says. “But I’m interested. Let’s read this, hm?”

 

Matilda leans into him fully and holds up the pamphlet, and together they learn about the proposed group. The literature goes out of its way to clarify that the group will be very open to different types of parent-child relationships, which relieves Hermann. He leans his cheek against Matilda’s head. When Newt’s thumb strokes along Hermann’s knuckles, Hermann looks up to see him watching the two of them contentedly.

 

“Come here, darling,” Hermann says, tugging, and Newt curls up carefully against Hermann’s other side.

 

Hermann drapes his arm across Newt’s legs and Newt rests his chin on Hermann’s shoulder. Matilda is bundled underneath Hermann’s other arm. He feels secure and sure of his place here, between them, and any day before today he might have thought about how grateful he was that they let him be a part of their family, but today he is grateful that this family is his.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr at [ch3ry1b10ss0m](https://ch3ry1b10ss0m.tumblr.com) and twitter at [coralbluenmbr5](https://www.twitter.com/coralbluenmbr5)


End file.
